Monday, August 22, 2011

gift #1

I guess it was pretty obvious from my last blog post that I have been in a bit of a funk lately.  
From many of your responses i see that you can relate.  
Man...life is hard.  

Our family is basically 'homeless' right now {but not on the street thanks to some very kind family and friends}.  I have learned that the wandering gypsy lifestyle is not for me...especially with a 1 and 3 year old in tow.

Yesterday I was trying to get everybody ready for church and as we were about to walk out of the door I realized I couldn't find any shoes.  I take that back.  Joey was able to locate my running shoes but I was vainly unwilling to wear them with the cute outfit I had on.  

Here's the thing.  All of our stuff is spread out in about 5 different locations with the bulk of it in a storage unit in Tennessee.  This makes for some challenges in our daily life.  

Remember how in my last post I was pleading with God for a new heart?  Well, I think I fully realized the severe condition of my heart  yesterday morning when I completely flipped out over the shoes.  As I stomped all over the house on my shoe hunt i heard this quiet voice in the very back corner of my mind whispering - 
with all I have provided you with, THIS is what you are focusing on?  

I left the house barefoot and steaming mad and drove somewhere else to find a suitable pair of shoes.  I was furious.  We were late.  It was not a good start to a Sunday morning {or any morning}.  

As we were driving, Joey said something to the effect of - i know things are hard right now but we should focus on the good things...we have a lot to be thankful for.  

Folks, I must be honest...
I wanted to slap him.  
Or scream at the top of my lungs.
Thank heavens - I didn't.  Instead i bit my tongue so hard that it hurt.  And again I prayed for that new heart.  

This time God revealed to me the most important thing I needed to know to get myself out of this pit I have been wallowing around in for the past month.  He had been whispering it to me all along.  He had used my husband to convict me of it.  He reminded me of the wisdom from a book I have just begun reading by Ann Voskamp...

from all our beginnings we keep reliving the Garden story.  
satan, he wanted more.  more power, more glory.
ultimately, in his essence, satan is an ingrate.  and he sinks his venom into the heart of eden.  satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude.  adam and eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave.
isn't that the catalyst of all my sins?
our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what he gives.

~ gratitude ~

I can say I am thankful to God for the provisions he has made for us, but if i turn right around and start complaining about my situation, the focus of my heart and mind is completely off.  So I'm going to have to be disciplined about this.  I think it's the only way to break this cycle of ingratitude that I have fallen into.  Can you relate?  If so, maybe you will join me and Ann to officially make that list...1000 gifts

Here's the first one...

{my baby's first haircut revealing the sweet face of a little boy}


Now, let's keep it going.
What are yours?