Monday, December 31, 2012

what jeremiah can teach us about new years

'the days are coming,' declares the Lord, 'when i will make a new covenant with the house of israel and with the house of judah.'  
{jeremiah 31:31}

those words were the prophecy of christmas.  he may not have known exactly what God's entrance into this world would look like but jeremiah knew long before the rest of us that jesus was coming.  
{artwork by marc chagall}
jeremiah is sometimes referred to as the weeping prophet.  

i may or may not be referred to as the weeping mother.  
it's no secret...i cry a lot.  sometimes tears of joy...sometimes tears of sorrow.  even though my face is tear-stained on a regular basis, i definitely don't claim to be the same caliber weeper as jeremiah.  the guy is in a league of his own.  after all...he was carrying the weight of a nation on the brink of complete destruction.

most scholars agree that the book of lamentations was written by jeremiah.  the name of the book is fitting...if you've read any part of it you know what i mean.

streams of tears flow from my eyes because my people are destroyed. 
{lamentations 3:48}

jeremiah was a poet and the book of lamentations is a collection of his poetry.  it has been said of jeremiah that he 'spiritualized and individualized religion and insisted upon the primacy of the individual's relationship with God.' (the new bible dictionary, 2nd edition)  he did this by words, but he also did this by example.  thousands of years ago before anyone had said of christianity- 'relationship, not religion' - jeremiah was living out that charge.

if you know God - and i mean really know God - you will find yourself moved to's inevitable.  having a personal relationship with someone means opening up the deepest parts of yourself to them.  it also means caring enough to discover their depths too. anyone who dives into the depths of God and allows him into their own secret places experiences something that can't be put into words but can only be experienced... experiences like that evoke emotion.  

in jeremiah we see intense emotion.

another thing we know about any relationship is that communication is, honest communication.  through jeremiah's words we see his desperate need to communicate with his heavenly father.  much of what God communicates to jeremiah is meant to be shared with the people of israel.  after all - that's a prophet's job description.  but don't miss the fact that much of jeremiah's conversation with the Lord is very personal.  jeremiah shares his struggles and emotions and allows the promises of God to be spoken back to him.

i think lamentations {chapter 3 in particular} is a good place to start the new year and here's why...
jeremiah penned line after line outlining the despair of a nation but tucked in between the desperate cries for help and the descriptions of darkness is the light of hope...for those who would return to the Lord.  despite a world raging out of control around him jeremiah manages to anchor himself and the future of his people in the promises of God's goodness and faithfulness.  

he speaks of hope.
he speaks of faithfulness.
he speaks of new.

i don't know about you but i, like jeremiah, have seen a lot of darkness and heartbreak in the world around me this year.  i've seen a lot of miracles too.  through the highs and lows i have sought the One who holds it all together.  lamentations is a vivid picture of a man who is riding that same roller coaster of life and is gripping tightly to the one relationship he knows he can count on...i want that kind of desperate dependance this new year.

i remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
i well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
yet this i call to mind
and therefore i have hope:

because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed

for his compassions never fail.
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
i say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion;
therefore i will wait for him.'
{lamentations 3:19-24}

my friends...
i am praying His hope and faithfulness will be your anchor as you navigate the waters of this new year...whatever they may bring.  
i am praying you will daily remember the promise that His concern for you and your suffering is renewed every morning.  
i am praying that instead of watching Him from afar you would enter into a relationship with the living God whose love is great and whose promises are always fulfilled.

 may your new year

Monday, December 24, 2012

merry christmas

because of God's tender mercy, the morning light of heaven is about to break upon us,  
to give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace...
{luke 1:78-79}

merry christmas from our family to yours!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

when christmas slips from your hand

yesterday i felt christmas.  

no shopping to do.  no major meals to prepare.  no travel plans to execute.  no looming deadlines standing between me and december 25th.

instead of being faced with a long list of responsibilities and obligations i was faced with my little family, at home...with a refrigerator full of food, a Christmas tree covered in lights, a closet shelf filled with gifts,  a warm blanket to cuddle under, and a heart filled with peace.
today christmas slipped from my hands.

in an instant i let the world steal it away.  

i want to scream.  i want to cry.  i want the demands and the questions and the needs that surround me to stop.  i want quiet.  i want alone.  i want to be able to turn my back on this world that falls apart and needs putting back together...this world that i can never quite get comfortable in. 

my peace is replaced with anxiety...worrying over problems that seem to need an immediate solution.  
my joy is replaced with oppression...the weight of my responsibilities crashing down on me.
my hope is replaced with fear...fear that i will step into january with more than i can manage.
my love is replaced with bitterness...frustration over the way i am feeling burdened by others.

but this is advent...the season of anticipating not what january will bring but of who God will send.  
these are the days of placing ourselves back into the freedom that was born into a stable in bethlehem, not into the burdens of the future.

these hours of preparation have much less to do with baking, shopping, and opening gifts...and much more to do with resting, worshiping, and opening our hearts.

the refrigerator, the closet, the tree...even the blanket...they all provide this false sense of being 'ready' to celebrate a day that changed the world forever.

i felt christmas yesterday but today is better...

today i need christmas.

when the feelings are gone and we are left with the reality of this fickle, fleeting life we grow desperate for christmas.  we grow desperate for the hope, peace, joy, and love that can only be found in the One whose heavenly being breathed human breath.

and suddenly the air around me is sweet enough to breathe in again...i'm no longer suffocating.  i'm letting go of the christmas i try to create and grabbing hold of the one that was already created for me.  

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

a christmas you can touch

when i picked her up from school today she danced to the flying.  she was singing a new's always a new song with her...usually about princesses or jesus or something that she's recently learned.  the girl can set anything to music.

i was thankful.  thankful that today is just another sweet day for her.  thankful that school still feels happy and safe.  thankful that, in her innocence, she doesn't carry the weight of the world.  i'm taking her lead.  i'm singing a new song.

now we are home and i see her in the other room with all the pieces of our multiple nativity sets lined up.  she plays with them every day.  sometimes she takes down ornaments and uses them in her role playing.  

i overhear her saying things like 'christ jesus' and 'three kings' and 'the star of bethlehem'.  even if she doesn't completely understand every detail of that first christmas i am grateful that the words and the stories are familiar to her.  hearing those words cross her four-year-old lips gives me a peace that her spirit is already connecting with the eternal.  since i never know what tomorrow holds that's what i wish for...eternity tucked in her heart.
i watch her move the figurines around on the floor and then up onto the table.  sometimes she sings to them.  other times she tells stories.  i see her removing the ornaments {some of which are fragile} and placing them in various places.  a few days ago she asked permission - could i use some of these ornaments too, mama?  i only paused a moment before i smiled and nodded my head.  
it took a long time for me to decorate that tree.  i really like a lot of those ornaments.  i probably couldn't replace some of them.  i could make the tree off-limits...but i don't.  i want christmas to be accessible to my kids.  i want them to touch it and get down on the floor with it and hold it up to the light.  i want them to sing about it and talk about it.  i want them to be right in the middle of it.

it's what jesus did.  
he got down on the ground...right in the middle of everything.  
he didn't stand off at a distance watching us - wondering what it might be like to touch us or hold us or tell us stories.  
he came to us.  
he picked us up from whatever floor we were lying on, whatever tree we were hanging from.  even though we were fragile...even though we were prone to breaking...he came to us.  he still does.

i hope you know that you don't have to watch christmas from a distance.  i hope you know that you are part of the story.  i hope you will put yourself smack dab in the middle of bethlehem on that dirty stable floor and receive the precious gift that was sent for you to hold and sing about and treasure...

i hope this christmas is one you can touch.

our almighty God, who sifted stars through his fingers, stands not with kings and princes, but with the weak, the powerless, the poor.
because the people no one else thinks are important have a special place in God's heart.  he hears their cries.  he fights for them and defends them.
and one night long ago, in bethlehem, he stepped out of heaven and became one of them.
{sally lloyd-jones :: thoughts to make your heart sing}

Sunday, December 16, 2012

when the world feels dark...

yesterday my laptop was 3 hours away so i had to revert back to the way I started my words 30+ years hand (and in this case - on an old doctor's receipt I found in my purse). 

like many of you i am still processing the events of last friday {as well a few other bits of darkness}...this is just part of my processing.  i would love to hear yours...
{click to enlarge}

the song i referenced above can be found here...

and some of the scripture...

Thursday, December 13, 2012

i see you

lucy...i need to see your eyes looking at my eyes.

arms crossed, scowl on her face...boring a hole through the floor to avoid my gaze.  
finally they wander up to mine...those beautiful, glassy, cyan eyes...the ones that can be cool blue one moment and warm green the next.  their colors change and so does their message.  

in that moment this afternoon they were hardened.  they were telling me i was not welcome here.  they were speaking of anger and shame and wanting to be left alone.  they were tiny glass walls of protection that seemed impenetrable.  for a moment i looked at them with contempt because they were keeping me from the place i was trying to get to.  they were keeping me from her heart.  
in an instant i remembered all the other precious messages those eyes have sent me over the past 4 years and i softened.

in those moments when i need her to see hear me...i get so frustrated.  how can i make her see?  
see that what she said was hurtful.  
see that how she behaved was unkind.  
see that i am only trying to teach her.  
why won't she let my eyes really meet hers so that we can see each other?
...and then this...
how are my eyes reacting to hers?  what message are they sending?

later in the afternoon i felt tired.  12 days of fighting fevers and sniffles will do that to you.  when tiny bodies aren't healthy my heart and mind can fail me too.  my task list had grown too long and i'd had the 'eyeball' talk one too many times.

we had spun webs of arguments that ended with her little words packing big punches...

i am super sad that you are not playing this with me right now.
i went upstairs because i was so upset that you wouldn't get me a straw.
you are so mean...i will never do that!
sometimes i get so mad i just want you to leave me alone.

i'm not kidding...she is four and she says these things.  sometimes i wish i could be so honest instead of giving someone the silent treatment for two days.  the child can articulate her emotions...she can also express them a million different ways. i was tired...

when she asked me to go play in the backyard i was in the middle of getting some work done and i really didn't want to go.  it was cold.  i had work to do.  did i mention - i was tired.

then this thought...this flying out of nowhere, slam my back up against the wall thought.

she needs to see your eyes...
i shut my laptop and let my gaze meet hers.  there they an invitation.  full of anticipation.  full of hope.  full of love.

i grabbed her hand and we walked...down the steps, across the yard, and onto the trampoline.  we jumped and we laughed and we tickled and we talked.

we saw each other.
my mind was so full with this one thought...

your eyes will need to meet softly this way millions of times so that they can ultimately stand up to the hard, glaring meetings ahead.

if our eyes don't meet when she is twirling around the kitchen in her princess dress...
or when she wants to do an art project...
or when she is trying to scramble eggs all by herself...
or when she just found the coolest worm ever on the sidewalk...
or when she is flying high above the trampoline...

if our eyes never see each other in those momentary joy-filled, life-giving, care-free moments...
     how will they ever face the other ones?

the ones that come on the tail of a big mistake, a moment of fear, a weakness to peer pressure, a loss of control, a fall from grace, a broken heart...

i know those heavy moments will come.  this child whose wild curly head still fits onto my hip will grow.  she will become too big for me to carry, too old for me to cuddle, too busy for me to rock...
     but i won't give up her eyes.  

i will fight to hold their gaze.  i will lock onto them in all the moments that she offers them because i know there will be days that to see each other will be a battle.  but it's a battle we must win.

i see you my sweet girl...i see you.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


it is a rare gift to actually slow during this holiday season.  december can be filled with rush and hurry and more, more, more.  mine is made up of home and family and less.

my husband has a demanding job.  a great job...but a demanding job.  december and january are the slowest times of year for him and for this i am grateful.  while many around us are ramping up, spinning wheels, racing forward...we are sitting down, holding hands, looking long into each other's eyes.  these months have become the make-up time for all the hours and days we are apart and juggling the rest of the year.  i am protective of this time...i don't let much into it.

i find myself every day savoring.

:: savor ::  to enjoy or appreciate something completely

yesterday both of my kids woke up with high fevers.  so we all three took a sick day.  
i savored it.  i appreciated every snuggly moment in our pj's with our christmas tree glowing and the cloudy day blanketing us inside.  i let it really sink in when tiny fingers ran up and down my arm seeking comfort and rest.  i breathed deep the tops of their heads as they nestled under my chin.  i held, i rocked, i sang, i listened, i spoke softly and smiled often...i savored.

i did not accomplish a single thing on my to-do list...i didn't even have a to-do list.  and yet i went to bed last night feeling i had achieved so much...because my enjoyment, my appreciation had been complete.

as a girl who is always looking forward to the next meal, i could make a long list of foods that cross my lips and sit on my tongue and bring me great joy.  like that magical moment when a slice of juicy pear covered in creamy goat cheese and wrapped in salty prosciutto hits my taste buds {is your mouth watering yet?}.  sometimes there is a flavor that is so divine that i close my eyes and cease chewing and hold still as that flavor sinks i taste it completely.  

savoring is about slowing.

too often i find myself devouring the days.  chewing hard and fast as the next forkful approaches.  i want to take in bites of life more slowly.  i want to open myself to the minutes of these days one-by-one so that i can close my eyes and enjoy fully the flavors of the people and places and events that surround me.

i want to savor.

i want the spirit of this slow season to set the pace for the year to come.
share with us what you are savoring today...and then go make that yummy pear appetizer...come know you want to.

to the winner of the christmas doorknobber...

logan whichard!!
email me your address!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

a few ways to celebrate the season {giveaway!}

i hope wednesday's words didn't seem like a 'bah humbug' post.  i love celebrating christmas.  i look at my pretty twinkly tree at least 100 times a day and smile.  

{NOTE: it is not a coincidence that 'gentleness' is positioned where i can see it from my usual post in the's that piece of the fruit that i sometimes have to work extra hard on}

i could hardly wait to wake up this morning and spend the day with my family making wreaths, stringing lights, and listening to christmas music.  {and my merry mistletoe candle is burning round the clock!}

i just want to do christmas for all the right reasons.
so here's the little deal i have made with myself...if it doesn't stress me or my family out and it helps us embrace the true meaning of this season - let's do it!

and so for us...these are some of the practical ways that we are celebrating christmas this year...

~::~ we've already done our christmas tree decorating night.  my kids help a little but i do most of the decorating while they play with our nativity scene.  once all the ornaments are hung and the lights are on we make cookies and then sit under the tree with our milk and cookies as daddy reads the christmas story. {don't feel bad if you don't have your tree up...we got lucky and had time to do it early this year.  you may remember that i didn't do quite so well a couple of years ago}

~::~ tonight we will venture to bethlehem as a family.  no...we are not taking a mediterranean holiday {unfortunately}.  a church in our town hosts a really neat event that transports you back in time to bethlehem on the night that jesus was born.  i bet your area has some cool local church events that are free or really cheap too...check them out.  and if you live in the charlotte area...i'd love to hear about what you find!

~::~ our family {and our church} celebrates advent.  this is not some weird, mystical ritual. it's actually just another way of saying that we take the entire month of december to prepare for the big day.  advent means the arrival of a notable person or event.  in this case we are talking about the arrival of jesus and the celebration of his birth.  click on the picture below to take a look at the format we are using in our church {and our family}...
~::~ as part of our observance of advent we are using the family devotional from ann voskamp's blog.  each day i read the devotional as the kids decorate their ornaments which we are hanging from their very own advent tree {a giant stick spray painted white that my dad rigged up for me}.  last year we did truth in the tinsel and lucy actually remembered the symbolism of those ornaments we made when we pulled them out this year!

i will keep you posted on our other christmas festivities throughout the month.  let me know how your family will be celebrating!  i will draw a name from all of my blog and facebook comments on monday and the winner will receive a christmas doorknobber!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

coming out of hiding this christmas

the turkey has been eaten and now, for many of us, the stockings are already hung.  i know it drives some people crazy...the fact that the trees and lights and giant candycanes have crept right in to steal the turkey’s day of honor.  i honestly don’t mind.  for me, blurring the lines between thanksgiving and christmas makes perfect sense. 

a thankful heart at christmas…that's what i'm going for.

not an over-indulgent, shopping, spending, partying heart.
a thankful heart.

sometimes i wonder if we miss out on the real significance of christmas because we are too busy hiding behind all our 'traditions'.

2000 years ago the God of all creation sent his son as one of us.  he voluntarily entered into a hostile place filled with cheaters, murderers, liars, gossipers, self-indulgent sinners.  he came not as a powerful law-enforcing ruler, but...
as a tiny, tender baby.  

He became the light for a dark world.  
We didn't deserve the gift He offered and He didn't have to do it...but perfect love gives freely.  perfect love sacrifices for imperfect people.

today our world is still full of darkness.  we live in despair.  our days are not a perfectly seamless flow of time.  there are bumps and potholes and giant mountains that stand in front of us.

i'm afraid that for me christmas has sometimes meant 'pretty-ing' up the mess that is life.  with the right decorations, the right parties, the right party outfits, the right gifts...maybe this world will really be full of life and light.  we try to take it into our own hands...the saving of the world.  
we busy ourselves every december day trying to make it 'right'...but what we end up celebrating is all that we have done to make this holiday season so festive instead all that He has done to change the world.
what if we let our december days be like every other day and didn't try to hide behind all the fancy decorations.  

what if we acknowledged that no amount of tree trimming or pumpkin pie baking will take away the hurt in our hearts over loved ones lost, dreams deferred, families broken, wars waging, hopes crushed.  

what if we took an honest look at our dark, broken lives and then turned our faces to jesus.  

what if we didn't try to fix it ourselves but instead laid our hearts out as-is in the glow of His light.  

and what if the warm hope we received from that light filled us up and we found ways to pour its streams of brightness into others...what then?

then, maybe we would watch this christmas change the world just like that first one did in bethlehem.  we would position our broken and weary selves right there next to a smelly old animal trough and stare in awe at the precious life-giving gift that was lovingly offered in human form...
     and our hearts would be full of thanks.

worship fully.
spend less.
give more.
love all.
be light.

how are you going to turn this christmas upside-down?

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

giving thanks :: day 3 {the promise of family}

yesterday's post got a record number of hits over a 24 hour period.
whenever there is unusually high traffic on my blog i know that i must have said something that connected with a lot of people.  i love connecting with people, don't you?

in this case it was linda's story that made all those connections happen.  
based on the comments, FB posts, and emails i have received i would say that, in particular, it was the evidence of linda and robert's faith in God and his complete faithfulness to them that inspired so many people.  it was also the area of their lives in which they have wrestled with God that struck a cord with so many...


it's often at the top of our list when we give our thanks.
everybody has a family.  every family looks different.  
some family trees are complicated with many branches.  some appear pruned and healthy. 
sometimes family is big and loud and boisterous.  other times it is small and quiet and lonely.  
some families look exactly like you would expect.  others defy all expectations.  
some families fill one another with love and grace and laughter...others pile on the hurt or fear or guilt.  
family can be a beautiful representation of God's love in this world.  it can also paint big, dripping strokes of darkness on our hearts.  

what does family look like for you?
it's an important question for all of us to matter how easy or painful it may be to face the answers.

not one of us loves all of our family well all of the time...but most of us would like to.  grace goes a long way when it comes to family...extending it to them and accepting it for ourselves.  sometimes the slate just needs to be wiped clean.

every role in a family is important but there is one that perhaps feels the weight of relational pressure more than the rest...the role of mothers.

i feel that pressure now and have some understanding for the weight my own mother must have lived under all these years.  from the time that my brother and i were a dream in her heart to the experience of being a grandmother...and all the good, bad, and ugly in between.

mothers hold so much together and take on the burden when it all falls apart.

maybe you are a mother with a nest full.  maybe all of yours have taken flight.  or maybe you are a mother who, like linda, has only conceived your children in your heart and you have yet to see their faces.  God holds out promises for each of you.  

today i am thankful for God's promises to families...

for i will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
i will pour out my spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.
they will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.

i will teach your children and they will enjoy great peace.

now the Lord was gracious to sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for sarah what he had promised.  sarah became pregnant and bore a son to abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised...

and the one linda has clung to all these years...
when a wife has no children, he blesses her with some, and she is happy.  shout praises to the Lord!

during this week of thanks may you find the treasures of family...even if you have to dig a little to uncover them.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

giving thanks :: day 2 {the promise of completion}

today i introduce you to someone special in my life.  her name is linda.

linda has blessed my family by serving as lucy's small group leader at our church.  she has made such an impact on my girl that we pray for miss linda almost every night.  she was also at the top of lucy's invite list for her birthday party this year...

{that's linda on the right at lucy's party...along with lucy's other leaders from church}
this morning i shed tears over the way that God is blessing someone who has been such a blessing to me.  i had one of those moments when i wanted to go out and cut cartwheels all down the street shouting 'yay God!!' {but i've never really been a good gymnast so this blog post will have to do}.

a couple of things you should know about my friend linda...

{1} God has given her a deep desire in her heart to be a mother.
{2} God has allowed the obstacle of infertility to be part of her story.

now i am not going to spend this post arguing whether or not God {or some other force or being} caused linda and her husband to be unable to conceive a child biologically.  the title of this post is not 'why bad things happen to good people' or anything like that.  these are valid topics of conversation but in this story they are moot points.  see...there is one more thing you should know about linda...

she believes God can be trusted...and so she does...she trusts Him.  with all of this...

linda and her husband, robert, have been praying about the possibility of adoption for years.  as anyone who has prayerfully considered adoption will tell you...God speaks in amazing ways when you approach him concerning this subject.  

for linda and robert the answers weren't completely clear at first but in hindsight they can see how God was guiding them all along.  at first the couple began researching different adoption agencies but doors kept closing, so they moved forward trusting that another one would open.  sometimes that is all we can do...turn our back on a closed door and take those brave first steps towards the next one.

last year linda had the opportunity to try IVF {in vitro fertilization} once her new insurance took effect.  she and robert thought that perhaps with the financial costs of this procedure covered maybe this was the way they were to proceed in growing their family.

that door closed too...and it was a painful one to face.  in linda's own words...this was what it felt like to face two failed rounds of IVF after years of desiring children...

i went through a very difficult time of doubting I knew ANYTHING about God's plan for me...that i had no idea how to hear him or know what i was supposed to do. i was never angry with God, but i questioned myself in many ways...was my faith not right, not strong enough, was i just not listening?  after our second failed round of IVF we took some time to recover, then plowed ahead again, feeling God was leading us towards adoption...

the couple soon found themselves with a conviction to adopt from the czech republic {where robert is from}.  there was one problem...there are no agencies that facilitate adoptions between the u.s. and the czech republic.  there are an estimated 92,000 orphans in the czech republic but it looked like robert and linda were not going to be able to provide a home to a single one of them.

this did not deter linda and robert.  they {along with a few of us privileged enough to be on this journey with them} kept praying.  and while we were all praying there was a little adoption agency in north carolina praying too.  the folks at the agency were feeling led to pilot a new adoption program but they weren't sure where.  amazingly God's answer to the agency's prayer was also an answer to our prayers.  the agency chose the czech republic...linda and robert chose that agency...and to make a long story short...

we are now all praying and waiting for the child {or children} we believe God has already chosen for this couple.  

robert has already traveled to brno with the agency director to help them navigate the czech systems and culture.  i think it is safe to say that this pilot program would not even exist without the prayers and help of linda and robert. 

this morning linda sent a message to let me know that the paperwork has arrived at the appropriate czech agency and now the wait for approval {and then referral} begins.  

it won't be easy.  

it won't be quick.  
it won't happen the way linda dreamed it would when she was a little girl.

but that's what happens when we discover that God is faithful and trustworthy.  we trade our dreams for his.  we let go of the ideas and expectations that have kept our stories so small and so safe...opening ourselves up to a bigger story that He has written specifically for our lives.

in her little girl dreams linda could have never imagined that God would use her to open up an entire country to the possibility of providing homes for tens of thousands of orphans.  she could have never imagined that her relationships with her friends, her family, and her God would be strengthened and deepened through trial and struggle.  she could have never imagined that she would breath these words about her husband...

i have leaned heavily on my husband's faith and prayer life. he is a rock. he has never wavered in knowing we were following the right path, he has "talked me off the ledge" several times when i would get anxious and start questioning everything we were doing. i clung to him, even in ways he is unaware, i stood on HIS faith many times because at times my own seemed so weak. he endured my outbursts, my doubts, my questions with a quiet confidence and assurance. And I KNOW that was God.

and these words about her church...
coming to new charlotte church again reassured me that God was carrying us through this. meeting you, the other ladies, volunteering with the kids, really becoming part of this church is hard for me to explain it clearly, but the connection and the compassion, kindness, was God. i can explain it no other way.

and these words about an unknown future...
even if for some reason God's plan is not for us to be parents, we know that this will be the pathway for SOMEONE, for a child who needs a family, and we actually are comforted in that.   i think that through other ways, he HAS put children in my life, he HAS blessed me with some.  i think specifically about the kids at church, about lucy wanting to invite me to her party though I had no idea she even knew my name, about the little ones who remember me and want to sit next to me or show me something, about my nephews who I adore, about my friends' children...but of course, these make me want to be a mom even more! 

none of these things were part of linda's little girl dreams...

...but they were the dreams of a God who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine through HIS power at work within us.

today i am particularly thankful for this promise...
...and i claim it for my friend linda.  i can't wait to see where He will carry her next.

Monday, November 19, 2012

giving thanks :: day 1 {the promise of new}

:: eucharisteo  {to be grateful; give thanks} ::

i was first introduced to the word by ann in her poetic treatise.  remember the first gift given in that sad, dark season?  i've been counting them ever since.  sometimes on paper and more times in my heart and changes the way you see the world.  i needed to change the way i see the world.  

we have been making what we call 'doorknobbers' for our farmhouse shop.  they are one of many items that we create out of reclaimed wood.  something that was old and then made new again.  

a few weeks ago i decided to make a few eucharisteo doorknobbers.  after we put them in the shop a woman called with a special order...she wanted several more of the eucharisteo doorknobbers.  i smiled.  she was giving them to her friends as gifts.  a gift of thanks.  thanks giving.

today i give thanks for the pieces of our lives that, like those little pieces of old battered beadboard, have been made new.  the chips and cracks are still visible but with some gentle attention from a Creator's hand they are made into something beautiful and worth displaying...a new creation offering words of life to the world.

this week as we step towards the great day of thanks i am specifically showing my gratitude for some of God's promises to me...and to you.  today i sing his praises for making me new...

leave a comment with something you are giving thanks for this week.  i will draw a name from all of the comments left before 10am tomorrow morning...the winner will receive a eucharisteo doorknobber!!

and just for fun...enjoy some of these free printables this thanksgiving week.  

Saturday, November 17, 2012

it's a dirty job {when parenting gets messy}

this morning i needed dirt under my fingernails.  i needed our saturday morning family time to include an opportunity to dig hands deep and feel earth.  
sometimes it feels good to do the kind of work that gets you dirty.  to do the digging and planting that leaves you messy...that makes your normally clean and manicured hands a little less presentable.  

a spray of the hose isn't enough to get that kind of dirt off.  you have to scrub.  and sometimes the scrubbing feels as good as the digging did.  with a little bit of time and a little bit of soap, those fingers are clean and ready for the keyboard.
parenting feels like that to me sometimes.  on a day like yesterday i felt knee deep in mud.  it wasn't an easy, gentle, everybody-is-generally-happy day.  it wasn't a day that i felt we were all cleaned up and presentable to the general public.  we were all wallowing around in the dirt...the mess...the moments of anger, frustration, guilt, fear...  
i was tired.  the kids were tired.  we were traveling.  we had spent too much time 'going' and 'doing' and not enough time 'being' over the past caught up with us.

inevitably there are things that go wrong in our day...every day.  but then there are some days when it seems like everything goes wrong...all day.  on those days i feel like a failure as a mother.  yesterday i felt like a failure...even though i know it's not true.

before we crawled into bed last night my husband held me tight and whispered these words i needed to hear - you are a great mom.  i smiled and softened and then he said this - i've seen a lot of kids who behave much worse than ours do...they're not that bad.  we both started laughing.  sometimes you need to laugh.  i jokingly responded by saying - that's what i'm going for...'not that bad.'  hey - i'd like for you to meet my kids.  they're 'not that bad.'

being a parent requires you to get dirty.  and that's okay as long as you remember these two things...

1 :: some tasks require you to get put on an old t-shirt and jeans and jump right in there!  don't act surprised or frustrated when you have to walk them back to time out for the 10th time in a row...or you have to separate ANOTHER sibling battle...or you have to patiently endure screaming and name-calling as you come up with a meaningful consequence...or you watch in horror as two sets of little legs run wild ahead of you in the grocery store making a ruckus that gets everyone's attention.  {yes this ALL happened yesterday}  if you expect to get dirty you won't freak out and have a temper tantrum of your own when everything goes wrong.

2 :: if you want something beautiful to grow, you are going to have to dig around in the dirt first.  the truth is, when it comes to my kids, i am not striving for 'not that bad.'  in's not 'good' or 'bad' that are my standards of measure at all.  i just want my kids to grow.  i want them to grow in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  i know that's a lot to ask but i believe it's possible.  if i am willing to be diligent {and dirty} in the digging, planting, fertilizing, and watering...i know God will be faithful to provide the light that ultimately draws them out of the ground and out of their tight little bud as they gloriously open up to Him.
and so i'm working on embracing the dirt and the mess...knowing that it is necessary for the growth of my little seedlings.  in fact - i'm entering into a season in which i am keeping my old clothes on and rolling up my sleeves for the work that needs to be done in the life of my family.  i'm letting go of the false belief that we need to be neat and clean and presentable all the time.  sometimes others witness us with the brown clods still under our nails and the smell of earth still in our soiled clothes...and that's ok.  we will be scrubbed clean again.  
in between all the getting dirty and cleaning back up the growth takes place...sometimes so gradual that we don't even notice. day...the petals fall open and reveal the beautiful fruit of our labor.  
and there they are...our children...stretched high on delicate stem, reaching up towards the Light that drew them from the ground. 

on thursday night i spoke at a beautiful women's event in south carolina.  i encouraged each lady there to: (1) let God's story be your story and (2) share your stories with others.  this is really the whole reason i help me see God in stories like this one and to let others in on the gift of that vision.

the women at ebenezer baptist were so amazing.  they were opening up and sharing right then and there.  i had the privilege of hearing bits and pieces of many of their stories and i walked away inspired.  if you ever want to share a story with us here at 'words and wonder' please leave a comment or shoot me an email.  i would be honored to share this platform with you.