Thursday, June 28, 2012

we interrupt this program to bring you...

on monday my thursday looked different.  


as i glanced over our weekly schedule i saw thursday with my regularly scheduled morning meeting and then a slot of time reserved for catching up on emails and other 'office work'.  i noted that it was the first day of 'summer kid swap' with my dear friend susan {who also happens to live in my neighborhood and have 2 of the most adorable girls whom my kids love...how could we not kid swap?!}.  i noted that our library books were due so the kids and i would be making a trip over to our local branch.  i remembered that lucy and i had tickets to go see 'beauty and the beast' uptown that evening {yay!}.


the first thing to change was the meeting...cancelled.  wow - suddenly i had some morning time freed up and i would be A-L-O-N-E while the kids were over at susan's.  i immediately jotted down a new to-do list of things that i have been needing to accomplish in our house since we moved in 8 months ago.  as soon as i got the kids dropped off i hit the ground running - my major cleaning/organizing binge began!  


two hours in i get 'the nudge'...the one that whispers to my heart - aren't you forgetting something?  as clear as day i hear my God inviting me to sit down with him...encouraging me that perhaps he is changing the trajectory of my day for a reason...perhaps life in general needs a little interruption.  my eyes literally dart back and forth between the to-do list and the Bible sitting side-by-side on my kitchen counter.  i can bend time and space - i hear him whisper - and so i choose words...not deeds.


twenty minutes into my quiet time i sit with tears on my cheeks and a spirit refreshed by living water.  words like these will do that to you...


for you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble.  you surround me with songs of victory.  the Lord says - i will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  i will advise you and watch over you...unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. 
~from psalm 32


i read and i pray and i am made new and then...the phone rings.  lucy is sick.  i leave both Bible and to-do list on the counter and rush out to get her.  i carry that burning hot bundle of sorrow out to the car and consider how my day is again shifting...no broadway performance tonight.  amazingly, feelings of regret and disappointment are immediately replaced with a sense of freedom.  freedom in following a plan rather than writing it.  freedom in knowing this day is being scripted by someone other than me.


i bring them home...my two little monkeys {one significantly less playful than usual}.  i cuddle them up on the couch and turn on pbs kids {with shows like wild kratts and curious george, who needs cable?!}.  i experience a rare time of actually enjoying the cuddling and t.v. time without intermingled feelings of guilt.  {guilt over not getting busy on that to-do list.  guilt over letting my kids watch t.v. instead of having an amazing educational activity for them to engage in.  anybody with me?  any other guilt-ridden sisters out there??}  
i consider this - she's sick...what else can she do but lay down and watch t.v. and rest?  she's asking me to hold her...she never asks me to hold her...how could i do anything else?  all that familiar guilt is removed and i find myself just being in the moment instead of anticipating my next move.  i can't believe that it takes something like this to allow me to actually enjoy my day without feeling like i'm 'falling short'...not doing enough.


i like it when my regularly scheduled program is interrupted for breaking news.  the reason?  i hate to say it but i think it's because it gives me permission to 'slack off' a bit.  and by 'slack off' i mean not spending the entire day from sun-up to sundown on my feet running around taking care of business and forcing my mind and body to work overtime plowing through a to-do list that will never be completed.  hmmm...that didn't sound very healthy, did it?  in fact - i'm sure it's not healthy.  but somehow i convince myself that it's the expectation i must meet...a 'filled to the brim', non-stop, get-r-done pace {all the while maintaining a smile on my face}.


so if you're like me and you need permission to relax and enjoy your life {rather than micro-managing it}...well...you have it...you have permission.  


because right there in those grace words i read this morning was the promise of a 'hiding place' {which means it's ok to hide sometimes} and of 'victory' {which means we'll accomplish what is most important for us to accomplish despite the state of our to-do list} and of guidance {which means, as much as we like to be in charge, it's okay for us to sometimes take a passive role in life}, and...don't miss this one...


unfailing love


you may ask...what's the expectation for me?  it's simple...


trust


trust in the One who is advising and watching over us...even when we are too busy to notice.