Wednesday, July 25, 2012

blog therapy

::warning :: 
this post has been birthed from a very difficult day so please excuse the unedited, schizophrenic quality it has to it.


maybe none of us sleeps well when daddy is away.  
i'm trying to find some good reason why this day has been a downward spiral since i stepped out of the shower.


now that the two tiny terrors {who i love dearly with all my heart} are down for their nap, it is time for some blog therapy.  there are dozens of tasks staring at me as i sit here on my kitchen stool but none are more important than writing through this funk that i am in at the moment.  my blood isn't still boiling but it is definitely on simmer...you know what i'm sayin'?


as my fingers hit the keyboard my blood pressure immediately begins to drop.  the fog in my mind begins to clear.  that tense jaw softens and my scowl is replaced with a hint of a smile.  
one time a dentist observed evidence that perhaps i grind my teeth at night.  
no...i grind my teeth during the day.  
but now my lips have parted and my entire being begins to relax...


why are some parenting days so hard?  


i did my extra-early rising this morning to try and get a head start on my early risers.  i did.  i got a whole 15 minutes to myself to mentally prepare for the day.  and their morning greeting was actually precious {unlike the rest of the behavior that has followed}.  i heard the door creak open while i was in the shower...


2 sleepy-eyed little monkeys shuffled in...
mommy - when you get out of the shower can you get back in the bed and cuddle with us for a little bit?


how can you deny a request like that.
sure guys...i would love to.  give me just a minute.


in that minute they found something more interesting to move on to.  my kids actually play together now...it really is an amazing gift.  i was happy to see them occupied so i moved forward with my morning plans...not bringing up the 'cuddle time' again.


i won't bore you with the details of what has brought me to this place of mommy mental meltdown but i will tell you that it has involved an unplanned mopping of the kitchen floor after carrot juice was thrown across the room, listening to tiny voices call me a 'meanie' and 'poopy head', being hit in the back of the head with a shoe while driving, enduring a public power struggle face-off with a 4 year old {oh yes - i won}, and scraping poop remnants off the walls, bookshelves, toys...you really don't want the details of that one.  your blood pressure is just going up reading that, isn't it?  or maybe you are laughing with relief that it is me and not you...today.


i don't have much to offer you today in this post.  i am selfishly doing this writing mainly for myself.  i'm too tired and my nerves are too frazzled to wrap everything up and tie it with a literary bow.  but there are 2 things that have happened that i think are important so i wanted to share...


number one - earlier today as i opened the back door of my van to retrieve a crying, fitful lucy i braced for impact {this was shortly after the shoe to the head and the name calling so you can understand my hesitation}.  rather than resisting me she climbed right into my open arms and nuzzled her head on my shoulder.  


maybe the kids knew what they needed when they asked for that cuddle time this morning.  i should not have been so quick to dismiss it.  


sometimes these days get moving so fast and furious that i forget my kids are still little and still need that...still need me...just me.  sometimes they need that cuddly, giggly part of me more than they need to be fed a perfect healthy breakfast or to be neatly dressed or to be driven to camp on time.  


so...post naptime plan?  nothing...just time to actually look each other in the eyes and find what's hiding there.


and number two - God in his infinite wisdom and love gave me an unexpected 3 hours of sifting through His word yesterday.  He must have known my spirit would need all the fortification i could get for what was ahead.  there is one verse in particular that imprinted itself on my heart and i have been clinging to it all day.  i think it's made the difference between overcoming and being overcome.  i hope it blesses you too...


in repentance and rest is your salvation.
in quietness and trust is your strength.
isaiah 30:15


ah...thank you for that therapy session...i feel so much better now...