Tuesday, August 14, 2012

what they see in me

i rock.  seriously.  i. am. amazing.

at least for today.

over the past hour the world around me has literally been spinning {and kicking and screaming and crying} out of control.  me?  i'm a cucumber...so cool.  

i just witnessed the most primal fit of rage out of my 2 year old that i have ever seen.  he didn't want to get in the car to head home and was literally acting like a wild animal in the back of my mini-van.  

i started with giving him choices to let him feel some sense of control over the situation - do you want to buckle or me?  would you like to have your juice cup or should i hold it for you?  nothing helped.  i moved into consequence mode - sit down in your booster or i will move you back into that carseat right there.  he responded with blatant defiance that included a swift kick in the arm.  so...i implemented the consequence.  that was the tough part...getting the wild beast into the toddler carseat that he recently graduated from but that i am still keeping in the car for a few weeks just in case something like this were to happen.  it was seriously a wrestling match and we were both huffing and puffing and sweating.  i know people in the parking lot around me must have been staring with their jaw dropped.  i just kept thinking - better that i fight these battles now while i am still physically stronger than when he is 15 and could crush me.  once he was secured in place {and still screaming} i simply said - 'this is really sad buddy.'  that was it...done.  the storm was still raging all around me but i wasn't allowing myself to be pulled into the eye of it.  i hunkered down in my peaceful and calm little corner...waiting the storm out.

the amazing thing about this whole incident was that my blood pressure never even went up {except for a couple of minutes when i was desperately trying to get that last buckle secured}.  this is amazing because...well...quite frankly...this isn't me.

left to my own devices i am easily annoyed, quick to anger, impatient, and sometimes...downright mean.  i reflected none of those things today because rather than reflecting myself i was reflecting jesus.    i know it is so important for us to go into the world and share jesus with lost souls.  i also know that my kids need to see him too.  they need to find him in the most unlikely of places...their broken and imperfect mama...if He can transform my heart and my actions they will know that He can transform their little lost souls too.

i have been logging some serious prayer time with God lately about my parenting.  lately i have felt that i wasn't being the mother he was calling me to be and i knew the changes that needed to be made could not be done on my own.  I needed supernatural, divine help.  over the past couple of weeks i have received it in ways that have blown my mind.  i want to share more about what i am learning with you so this post will have to be continued...

for now...will you celebrate with me?  i'm really not amazing...but my God is.  

i am just a mama who experiences firsthand what it means to 'be still' and know that He {not i} holds everything together.  a mama who {sometimes} miraculously sets my own yucky thoughts and feelings aside so that they would be replaced with the sweet fruit of a heart rooted in the Spirit of the living God.