Wednesday, October 30, 2013

how to find the good in every story

31 days comes to an end today and you may have noticed I missed a few of them here at the end.  Sometimes the writing of stories must wait as we shift all of our energy into the living of them.
When I set out to tell the stories of others this month I had no idea a new one would be written in my own life.

The shock of having a child diagnosed with a chronic illness has worn off.  Now I find myself facing the reality that my story going forward will be very different than I could have ever imagined.  
Her story will be different, too.

It's one thing to grieve lost dreams in your own life.  
It's another thing to grieve them for your children.

It is painful.
It is cry-until-your-whole-body-shakes painful.

I never planned on sticking needles in her arms multiple times a day
or cringing every time someone offers her a piece of candy
or reading the labels on everything in the stinkin' store
or hiding pills in yogurt
or obsessing over the number on her blood sugar monitor
or planning for crashes that could leave her unconscious
or looking into her tear-filled eyes and telling her 'yes' we will have to keep doing this every day for
the. rest. of. her. life.

I have been filled with grief.

But here's the thing about grieving...it's a process of letting go.
Sometimes our fingers must be pried off of the dream of a good life 
so that our hands can open to receive a better one.
It's hard to believe that your 5 year old daughter being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes {and a thyroid disorder} is a good thing. 

And so I don't believe it's a 'good' thing.  I believe that within it lies a 'better' thing.
I believe that for reasons I can not yet fully see 
her life will be more significant, 
her light will shine brighter, 
her faith will root itself deeper, 
her love will span wider,
her grace will stretch farther...
because her story took this turn.
I believe this because I believe Jesus meant what he said when he said...
Whatever turns our stories take we can be sure 

And so I love Him.
With every turning of the page.
With every chapter completed.
I love Him.