Friday, November 15, 2013

when you are slowly dying inside

I am guessing you may be as tired of hearing about the big 'D' as we are of talking about it.
{BTW - if you haven't been around here lately I'm not referring to 'Dallas' or 'Divorce' but to the Diabetes Diagnosis}

This new life we are living still doesn't feel completely familiar to me, but it is slowly becoming who we are by day.  So let's move forward together, shall we?
This morning, for the first time in weeks, I tiptoed downstairs before the rest of the family woke and did something besides searching the internet for low-carb recipes and suggestions for extending honeymoon periods.  I cracked back open the book I started right before our world got flipped upside down.

Within the first paragraph Emily lifted my face up, looked me right in the eyes, and said...

Being a mess doesn't disqualify you from having an influence.  
And it doesn't make you any less of a poem.

Thank you, sister, thank you.

This T1D life has left me feeling even messier than usual and yet there are still things calling to me outside of this world of finger pricks and carb counts.  
There are blog posts to write, 
friends to counsel, 
books to read, 
homeschool lessons to bring to life...
and in doing so it is my own life that finds resurrection.

In her book, Emily invites us to answer this question - Why do we so often assume that pursuing those things we want to pursue can only be done at the expense of our responsibilities?

I'm spending my weekend considering this and I hope you will too.

In the most deep and hidden places of your soul what do you wish you could pursue?  
What makes you feel fully alive and yet, perhaps, you feel guilty actually doing it?

For me I've learned that one such thing is this - communicating an important message.  
It may be written or spoken.  It may be delivered to 1 person or 1000.  
In any case, this one act leads me to feel most like 'me' and allows me to do the greatest good with my little life.  Communicating has become an important pursuit for me...even though it may fall outside of my regular 'responsibilities'.  

Your important pursuit may be 
baking or
singing or
dancing or
painting or
teaching or
decorating or
sewing or
nursing or
coaching or
mothering or
mentoring or fill in the blank.

And if your blank is still empty...why don't you take this weekend to look long and hard for the answer.

Don't worry - you won't be neglecting your responsibilities in doing so.  In fact, you may find that uncovering your 'art' {as Emily calls it} will suddenly make you better in every other aspect of your life...because you will actually be alive.  
new heart and all...

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you.  I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.  And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.

Regardless of the mess you may find yourself in today, when you allow the One who created you to reveal exactly what He created you will feel your dead heart pulsing with new life.  
That's worth stepping away from the responsibilities for a moment, isn't it?

Now...if you'll excuse me while I step over a pile of dirty clothes to go back upstairs and do another blood sugar test...

{P.S. - did you see Oliver's Texas Pete video over there in the kids just seriously crack me up}