Thursday, June 5, 2014

first friday finds :: june 2014

{It's #firstfridayfinds time again and here's this month's unedited, 15 minutes worth of truth.  
Please share yours at the bottom too!  Here's how.}
This week I have worn out my fingers from typing and my knees from praying...
     all in search of answers.

Have you ever set out for answers and found yourself at the end of the road just holding more questions and confusion?

If Graves' Disease is an entire world {and it is} I know about as much as the island of Bora Bora.  There are vast oceans and land masses of information that surround me looking completely foreign and overwhelming.

My six-year-old has Graves Disease and Type 1 Diabetes and that is really rare {rare as in...I have only found a handful of others on this big spinning globe and boy am I grateful for them!}.  Dealing with something like that can leave you feeling like a lonely floating island.  The past couple of weeks have been particularly challenging.

So y'all...oh my goodness...this month's FFF came flying out of nowhere like a life preserver.  This passage truly saved me from drowning in fear and hopelessness.

If the waters of uncertainty are rising up over your shoulders, your mouth, your eyes...threatening to keep you from another deep breath...maybe these words will pull you back above the surface and save you too.

Jehoshaphat was King of Israel {that's God's people...the 'good guys'...but I guess they were sometimes bad...I digress...}.  Jehoshaphat found out that a whole bunch of dudes were coming to attack his people - God's people...not good.
Seemed overwhelming.
Seemed like the odds were not in their favor {despite what Effie Trinket may have said}.
Seemed like victory was impossible.
So what did the king do?
He got scared.
Yeah...I would have too.
But that's not all.
He got scared, but he then shifted his gaze from the situation that was invoking that fear to the One who could remove it.

Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord.

And it appears as though the fear and the seeking of the Lord all happened in one fell swoop.  There were no hours, days, weeks of agony before he finally decided maybe he should think about turning his face. {note to self: do this.  don't let the fear linger}

And the rest of 2 Chronicles 20 details the prayer of Jehoshaphat and the events that followed.  I've read the events that followed many times before...they have saved me from other drowning times.  They end with God's people walking away victorious simply by 
being still
letting God fight for them
lifting praises instead of swords
...all precious things that God wants us to apply to our own lives...but there was one verse before all of that I had never really noticed before.

In his prayer, Jehoshaphat proclaims his powerlessness {source of fear} but also proclaims God's powerFULLness {source of hope}...and following that he makes this one simple statement that engraved itself deep into my heart...

I don't know if we should continue with Lucy's current treatment.
I don't know if we should talk to other doctors.
I don't know what all the blood test results mean.
I don't know what is causing her to be an emotional wreck every day.
I don't know how to handle the fits of rage and tears full of sorrow.
I don't know if she will wake up tomorrow feeling good or feeling like her hormones are doing battle inside of her. feels so good to say that some times - I. don't. know.

I don't know what to do...
but my eyes are on You.

And so I move
from fear to hope
from drowning to breathing
from facing defeat to claiming the victory that is already mine.

If you're like me and you've been spending too much time focused on what you don't know maybe you need this reminder to daily focus on what you do know.  God is a whole heck of a lot bigger and more powerful than an army that is raised up against you - Graves Disease or otherwise.