Monday, December 1, 2014

every move you make

When the hot winds of September blew us out of summer and into a new school year I had a book's worth of words I wanted to share with you.

This past summer contained the same amount of days as every other one I've lived, but the contents of those days was something far greater than any I remember.

Not all 24 hours in a day
all 7 days in a week
carry the same weight.
The summer of 2014 was full of weighty days for me.
They dripped with
and movement
and promise.
Life can get muddied
and slow
and dry
so I've learned to soak in the drenching rains when they come.  I've been standing in a downpour of grace.

I've been hard pressed to wrap these days into words for two reasons.
On the one hand, what I've been given seemed too much
and on the other hand it didn't feel like quite enough.

What began as a whisper in July, grew in volume by August, and became a loud song in my heart by September
...and yet it was still unfinished.

I sensed there were more lines to be written, more of this story to unfold, and so it has.  It is not yet complete.  We are not yet complete.  But I think I'm ready to begin the telling.

Several months ago I met Dallas Willard on the pages of a book and grieved that I would never have the chance to meet him in person.  He spoke life into some dead places in my life and lit a fire where my soul had grown dark and cold.  Raising the dead requires divine intervention and fire can burn, so I wouldn't describe this time as easy.  I would describe it as essential...and extraordinary.

John Ortberg says that perhaps the most significant statement Dallas ever made to him was this -
  You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.

And so I have.
I looked hurry right in the face and vowed to eliminate it's presence from my home and my heart.
I haven't succeeded completely but I've made progress.  The pace of my life has changed and miraculously
     the slowing gave way to more movement.

This has been a season of movement.

I take no credit for this path I am treading with such deliberateness.  Each move is simply the result of my willingness to accept an invitation...
     follow me.

I have made space in every day for the following.  I have retrained my mind to hear his voice and my heart to trust his leading...even when I do not completely understand.  I have spent less time asking God to enter into my world, my ideas, my agenda...and more time asking Him to draw me into His.

So I resigned from a job I did not want to leave.
I reached out to people I did not know.
I listened to advice I did not want to hear.
I answered phone calls I did not expect.
I shared a dream I could not clearly communicate.
And I watched my husband receive an offer I did not anticipate.

All of this has led me to gaze with gratitude upon a life that I did not create, astounded at what is being created all around me.

Yes, I have been moving.  With each small and timid step I have gained ground.  And now, this next step before me is a big one.  It will not be easy, but it will be good.

We are moving.

And this is not just a movement of heart, of dreams, of direction...
this will be an actual 'pack the boxes and load the truck' kind of move.

As a new year rolls in, we will roll out.  I will make my way back to the foothills of the South Carolina upstate where I spent my childhood daily watching the Blue Ridge yawn it's greatness.

My best laid plans could have never taken me there.
To settling my kids into the hometown that was once my own.
To living right up the road from Emily, giving us more room to breathe.
To watching my husband fill a role he was created for.

I stand amazed.  But only for a moment, because soon it will be time to start moving again.

Never underestimate where following will take long as the right person is in the lead.